Hero firefighter who rescued 13 people from Black Summer blazes but couldn't save his uncle and cousin reveals he has been crippled by survivor's guilt - but a heartfelt message from a family he helped keep alive 'makes it all worthwhile'
A hero firefighter who saved 13 people during the Black Summer bushfires is still struggling to come to terms with losing his uncle and cousin.
Nathan Barnden, 27, was among the thousands of volunteer firefighters who battled the devastating blazes that burned across the country between October 2019 and March 2020.
More than 24 million hectares of land was burned, 3,000 homes destroyed and 33 lives lost - including six Australian firefighters and three US water bomber crew.
Mr Barnden, who is a Rural Fire Service Jellat Brigade senior deputy captain, battled the bushfires raging along the NSW south coast on New Year's Eve 2019.
Nathan Barnden, 27 , was among the thousands of firefighters who battled the devastating blazes that burned across the country between October 2019 and March 2020
Despite his act of bravery Mr Barnden says he is haunted by the people he was unable to save - namely his uncle Robert Salway and cousin Patrick
Mr Barnden, who is a Rural Fire Service Jellat Brigade senior deputy captain, battled the bushfires raging along the New South Wales south-coast on New Year's Eve 2019 (pictured, photo uploaded by the Salway family, capturing the Black Summer bushfires along the New South Wales south-coast)
He saved 13 people and even pulled a grandmother, her daughter, and three grandchildren from their burning Quamma home, the Daily Telegraph reported.
Despite his act of bravery, Mr Barnden said he was haunted by the people he was unable to save - his uncle Robert Salway and cousin Patrick.
'Imagine you've devoted your whole life to saving people and you couldn't save your own family,' he said.
'In the early stages I struggled with it… it didn't matter that I saved 13 people.
Robert, 63, and Patrick, 29, perished while trying to save the family farm in Wandella, about 20km away from where Mr Barnden was at the time.
Only the day before, Patrick was helping a friend protect his property at Bemboka, about 70km south of Wandella.
Firefighters were closing down the roads leading into the fire zone, though Patrick was able to make it home along the Princes Highway 40 minutes before it was shut down.
More than 24 million hectares of land was burned, 3,000 homes destroyed and 33 lives lost - including six Australian firefighters and three US water bomber crew
Family visit the grave site of Robert and Patrick Salway one year on from the devastating fires
Mr Barnden says he couldn't help but think how things might have been different had the highway been closed sooner
Photo shows the outcome of the Black Summer bushfire at the Wandella property on the New South Wales south-coast
Mr Barnden says he couldn't help but think how things might have been different had the highway been closed sooner.
'It is a significant element of survivor's guilt where I felt I shouldn't have been firefighting and I should have been out with my family on their property, helping them,' he said.
Thoughts of losing his family and the fires continued to plague Mr Barnden for months before he recognised the signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.
He has seen psychologists and counsellors to learn to cope with the pain, and he is not alone.
An estimated 3,300 Rural Fire Service members have sought professional help over the past year.
The RFS is looking for psychologists to fill at least 17 new jobs.
The sky turned an ember red along the New South Wales south-coast during the Black Summer bushfires
All that remained of the Wandella property, on the New South Wales south-coast
Robert, 63 , and Patrick, 29, perished after trying to save the family farm at Wandella, about 20 kilometres away from where Mr Barnden was at the time
Only the day before, Patrick had been helping a friend protect his property at Bemboka, about 70 kilometres south of Wandella
Mr Barnden said he received a heartening text message from the family he had helped to save from the Quamma home.
'She said: "We still get to have this day as a family and I have six grandchildren and you saved five of them",' Mr Barnden recalled.
'Over time I'm grateful for the lives saved. I get to see them have a life and it makes it all worth it.'
It has been exactly one year since Patrick and Robert Salway perished from the fires, prompting an outpouring of tributes on social media.
'Life hasn’t been the same and won’t ever be the same again but what remains is our strong family and community to get us through!' one family member wrote on Facebook.
'Today is tough but as my beautiful grandma told me yesterday, Always remember the good and these men were nothing but good and I’m sure everyone has a good memory and good story to tell about these two.'
It has been exactly one year since Patrick and Robert Salway perished from the fires, prompting an outpouring of tributes on social media (pictured, family lay wreaths at the funeral of Robert and Patrick Salway in December 2019)