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How a terrified mother relentlessly beaten by her policeman husband who threatened her two kids was forced to go on the run when his cop buddies pressured her to keep quiet and leaked her plan to flee

A lawyer who was repeatedly bashed by her cop husband was forced to go on the run with her kids after she was pressured by his colleagues to stay silent.

Jay*, a Melbourne mother-of-two, thought Senior Constable Darren Hanegraaf was the perfect catch when the pair were introduced by friends in 2014. 

He was a respected serving member of the Victorian Police and a hands-on step father to her two children, carving out time to play cricket and football with her eight-year-old son Sam*. 

But within 12 months the ideal romance would turn into a living nightmare as the community protector by day turned into a domestic abuser by night - leaving her bloodied and bruised at the end of his fist.  

Jay* (pictured), a Melbourne mother-of-two, was repeatedly bashed by her former husband Senior Constable Darren Hanegraaf while he was a serving member of the Victorian police force

Jay* , a Melbourne mother-of-two, was repeatedly bashed by her former husband Senior Constable Darren Hanegraaf while he was a serving member of the Victorian police force

The worst of his beatings came in June 2017 when he came home drunk and she walked away from an argument about her work - an action he deemed 'disrespectful'. 

Intoxicated, Hanegraaf had headed straight for Sam's room, when the boy was just 11, yelling 'where is the little c**t?' when Jay got in the way. 

'He began punching my face and as I went to walk away I got dragged out to the drive way by my hair and my head slammed into the letterbox. He was over me dealing out punches and screaming about how disrespectful I was,' she told 60 Minutes.

'I kept thinking the kids were going to die. He is going to kill the kids. I think maybe if I didn't do what I did (leave him), he may have.'  

Having promised to protect his little sister, not his mum, Sam huddled as he watched a badly-bruised Jay stagger back up to the house and collapse in his room.

The next morning the family ate breakfast together like nothing happened.  

After Hanegraaf choked her several times in July 2018 then threatened her and the kids, Jay decided she'd endured enough.

'He left the property, just going, 'One dead c**t, two dead c**t, three dead c**t... Myself and the kids,' she remembers.

She called the station and filed a report about his abuse to his colleagues.  

Jay reported Hanegraaf's (pictured) abuse to his colleagues, but came under constant pressure not to press charges

Jay reported Hanegraaf's abuse to his colleagues, but came under constant pressure not to press charges

But a few nights later a senior police officer visited her home and warned pressing charges would have consequences on his career and, with nothing to lose, he would become even more dangerous to her family.

Her kids, eating dinner in a neighbouring room, overheard the officer and Jay's scared daughter the next day begged her not to go ahead with pressing charges. 

Despite constant pressure from the force to remain silent, Jay was determined to fight for justice and began forming a secret safety plan to flee to Sydney with her kids.

She confided in a family violence investigator for support - aware leaving is the most dangerous time for a domestic abuse victim - but the detective leaked the information back to Hanegraaf.

With her safety compromised, Jay spent the next few months on the run between cities and women's shelters, unshakably focused on creating a new life for her children.

Policing Family Violence Project coordinator Lauren Caulfield said members of the general public who commit acts of family violence are four times more likely to be charged or caution than members of the Victorian police force.

Jay's son Sam* (pictured) and her daughter overheard an officer tell their mother Hanegraaf was dangerous and begged her not to press charges

Jay's son Sam* and her daughter overheard an officer tell their mother Hanegraaf was dangerous and begged her not to press charges

'The culture of impunity is a crisis of community safety. It's a national issue. Australia wide we are seeing vast differences in responses when police are responding to family violence incidents that are perpetrated by members of the force that are in their own ranks,' she said.  

Hanegraaf was in February convicted and sentenced to just three months' jail, which was in June reduced to a two-year community correction order on appeal.

He had been charged with 70 criminal offences, which were reduced once he pleaded guilty.  

It was the first time in five years a family violence-related criminal conviction had been made against a serving Victorian Police officer. 

He was not suspended during the investigation and was offered the opportunity to resign before his disciplinary hearing.  

Jay's case formed part of an Independent Broad-based Anti-corruption Commission review, which found a series of systemic failures in the way Victorian Police handle family violence allegations against those in its ranks. 

In September, the watchdog unearthed 'defects in the planning and scoping of the investigation' into her leaked safety plan and a failure to 'to identify and actively manage conflict of interest'.

Hanegraaf was in February convicted and sentenced to just three months' jail, which was in June reduced to a two-year community correction order on appeal

Hanegraaf was in February convicted and sentenced to just three months' jail, which was in June reduced to a two-year community correction order on appeal

The review also found the force failed to implement organisational learnings after its mishandling of Jay's case, and that her experience exposed further weaknesses within the system. 

'We have also identified concern about systemic problems in how Victoria Police handles matters where there are family violence allegations against a serving member,' the review found, the Age reports. 

'IBAC's review also identified broader concerns about the lack of divisional separation in managing the different aspects of family violence matters where the perpetrator is a police member, and in particular the detrimental effects this can have on victims and their welfare.' 

*Names have been changed 

If you are experiencing domestic or family abuse, support is available at 1800 RESPECT. You can also contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyond blue on 1300 22 4636. 

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