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BLACK DOG: Huhne misses the key point

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Chris Huhne wrote a guide for a university magazine

The seeds of Chris Huhne’s downfall were sown 40 years ago when he was a scheming young Machiavelli at Oxford.

The former Cabinet Minister – who will be sentenced tomorrow for the speeding points fiasco – wrote a guide to the black arts for a university magazine that advised would-be politicians to ‘stab’ their foes at every opportunity, join whichever party gave them the best chance of getting to the top, and to stay away from Westminster if they were a ‘nice guy who likes his mamma’.

Dog has a new one: don’t display such ruthlessness if you have a vengeful Greek ex-wife.

  David Cameron has evoked Chairman Mao’s Cultural Revolution to apologise to his MPs for the party-splitting row over gay marriage.

The PM told backbenchers at a recent lunch that there would not be ‘any more cultural wars in the Conservative Party’ – a sign that he is in no hurry to push any more divisive social policy ideas.

One MP present said:  ‘It was good of him to admit just what a nightmare he has put us through.’

 

Duke sees through Karen's limp excuse

Tory MP Karen Lumley

The Duke of Edinburgh could not resist teasing Tory MP Karen Lumley, left, when she limped into a Buckingham Palace reception last week on crutches.

The West Midlands MP insists she came an innocent cropper on the stairs  at home early one morning, but Prince Philip was having none of it.

Leaning forward, the old rogue  told her: ‘If  I were you,  I’d take  more water with it  next time.’

George Osborne's tabby cat Freya is being blamed for a nasty bout of infections that have hit staff in Downing Street.

A leaked email from a No 10 official says: ‘I have just witnessed what I had suspected.

f you leave cups or glasses on your desk with water in it, then Freya will come along and drink from them. She has just tipped over the jug on one desk while trying to drink from it – hence some of our throat infections maybe? Please pass on,  as this is very serious.’

 

Turning back the clock

Welsh Tory MP David Davies is so determined to get tough on criminals  that he works part time as a special constable with British Transport Police.

Traditionalist Davies scoffs at plans for police to switch from their dark blue tunics to yellow ‘high-vis’ jackets.

‘If I had my way, I would wear a paramilitary uniform, preferably in black,’ he says. Make the lad the next Home Secretary.

  Former Conservative Defence Minister Sir Gerald Howarth has spent a lifetime worrying about the Communist threat, so he was more than a little surprised to spot on the Westminster television screens the blurred two-word message ‘Nyet Signala’ – Russian for  ‘no signal’.

Fluent Russian speaker  Sir Gerald said: ‘I assume it was a technical hitch. But just in case the Russians really were coming, I have asked the Speaker’s Office to look into it.’


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