Woman who felt 'compelled' to contact First Dates contestant after watching him tell his match he has terminal brain cancer reveals they’ve been a couple for 18-months and want a baby
A woman has revealed how found love after contacting a First Dates contestant who confessed to his match on the show that he has terminal brain cancer, and now they're thinking of starting a famiy together.
Watching Londoner Julian Fiano, 32, on the Channel 4 show in December 2018, Lucy Docherty felt drawn to him and knew that she wanted to get to know him.
'He had something about him that gave me a strong feeling I wanted him in my life,' she said.
Julian touched the nation's hearts as he told his TV date that he'd been given nine to 12 months to live when he was diagnosed with a glioblastoma – the most common aggressive brain tumour in adults – in 2016, but had already defied doctors' predictions.
Lucy Docherty, 30, felt drawn to Julian Fiano, 32, after watching him on First Dates. Pictured together
Lucy, 30, 'felt compelled' to get in touch with him, and they became a couple.
'Our relationship has progressed to a level maybe neither of us expected,' she said.
'Now we live together and he's my best friend as well as my partner.'
Despite her family's concerns, Lucy is 'happier than I've ever been.'
Julian appeared on Channel 4's First Dates in December 2018
'My family was understandably very worried about me getting involved with Julian and they still are, although they like him and can see how happy he makes me,' she said.
'One of my friends said, 'but what if you fall in love with him and then he dies?'
But Lucy chooses to focus on the positive.
'Julian is young and active, and he's doing well at the moment,' she said,
'I don't dwell on him being ill because if we focus on that, we're not enjoying what we've got in the present and it creates a negative energy.
'I'm fully aware of Julian's prognosis and we face it head-on together. But I want to enjoy our relationship like other people our age and I feel blessed that we are able to do that.'
The couple have recently started discussing potentially having a baby.
'We both love children and having a family is something we both want from life,' said Lucy, who has a blog with Julian.
Julian was diagnosed with a glioblastoma in 2016 and given nine-12 months to live. Pictured after his first operation
Julian's positive energy and outlook impressed Lucy when she watched him appear on the dating show
'Julian had his sperm frozen before he had chemotherapy so it may be possible we can have a baby.'
It's not a decision they're talking about lightly.
'We're thinking long and hard as, if we did have a baby, we have to consider that I may be a single parent in the future and if that would be fair on our child,' said Lucy.
'But whatever happens, I know if we did have a child, they would always know they were wanted and loved.
Julian dropped the bombshell on his date that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer in the gut-wrenching moment on the Channel 4 dating show First Dates
The pair bonded over their zest for life, but Becca said there was no spark at the end of the date. She admitted that she was 'pleasantly surprised' by how well the date had gone
'For now, though, the focus very much remains on our relationship and being there for each other.'
Julian became ill in 2016 when he was working as a youth coach and began suffering severe headaches and numbness on his left side.
After scans, he was diagnosed with a glioblastoma and given nine to 12 months to live. He underwent a craniotomy to remove the tumour and had radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
Since then, he's had two more operations and chemotherapy due to his tumour growing back.
Lucy and Julian have vowed to live life to the full. Pictured in Croatia September 2019
The couple quickly hit it off on Facebook before chatting on the phone. Pictured in Croatia September 2019
'Despite everything he was going through, he had such a positive outlook,' said Lucy.
'I loved his energy – and thought he was really handsome with a lovely smile.'
She sent Julian a 'wave' on Facebook.
'That was very out of character for me as I'm quite shy,' she said.
'He messaged me back and we talked on Facebook a few times before swapping phone numbers.'
Over the next month, they chatted on the phone.
Julian after his second operation. The couple are realistic about their future but chose to remain positive
Here Julian receives treatment while wearing a radiotherapy mask
The healing wound left by Julian's third operation in October 2019
'At first we didn't really talk about Julian's brain tumour,' said Lucy.
'We just chatted about day-to-day things and our interests – I wanted to get to know him as Julian, not a cancer patient.'
They had their own first date in January 2019 – a steak dinner in Lucy's home town Colchester.
'I'd been single for two years and was so nervous,' said Lucy.
'My WhatsApp was pinging with messages from my friends giving me moral support and helping me to decide what to wear. I went for jeans, heels and a leopard print top.'
It felt 'surreal' to meet Julian in person.
'As I'd seen him on TV and he's very active on social media, it felt like I already knew him,' said Lucy.
Lucy stood out from the people who got in touch with Julian after First Dates
'I felt shy at first but he's so chatty and natural, he immediately put me at my ease.'
But they didn't see much of each other or the next few months as Julian was anxious about embarking on a relationship with Lucy.
'He didn't think it was fair on me and said that it would be another person who loved him who would end up getting hurt,' she said.
In May 2019, a five-day trip to the Isle of Wight proved a turning point.
'We talked for hours and I reassured him I knew what I was getting into,' said Lucy.
'I told him I'd fallen for him and wasn't going anywhere just because things might not always be simple, and that I knew there would be difficult, challenging times.
Julian pictured before diagnosis with brothers David and Daniel and baby nephew
Julian having chemotherapy in August 2019. Behind his jokes he has a vulnerable side, said Lucy
Julian was working as a youth coach before his brain cancer diagnosis
'We told each other we were in this together.'
As their relationship deepened, Lucy saw Julian's vulnerable side.
WHAT IS A GLIOBLASTOMA?
Glioblastomas are the most common cancerous brain tumours in adults.
They are fast growing and likely to spread.
Glioblastomas' cause is unknown but may be related to a sufferer's genes if mutations result in cells growing uncontrollably, forming a tumour.
Treatment is usually surgery to remove as much of the tumour as possible, followed by a combination of radio- and chemotherapy .
It can be difficult to remove all of the growth as glioblastomas have tendrils that extend to other regions of the brain. These are targeted via chemoradiation.
Glioblastomas are often resistant to treatment as they are usually made up of different types of cells. Therefore, medication will kill off some cells and not others.
The average survival time is between 12 and 18 months.
Only 20 per cent of patients live longer than a year and just three per cent survive over three years.
Source: The Brain Tumour Charity
'He's very jokey and positive but, as we became closer, he let me see his emotional side that he lets people really close to him, like his brothers, see,' said Lucy.
'When he has his bad days, I just listen to what he's going through... I can't say, 'everything's going to be OK,' because it isn't.
'But I can listen to him and be with him in how he's feeling.
'We had to learn to be very honest with each other right from the beginning.'
Lucy's way of coping is to be fully informed and involved.
'I go with Julian to all the appointments and treatments I can,' she said.
'I like to understand what he's experiencing and the impact of his treatment so I can support him in the best way I can.
'It's not easy because cancer is always there – like the third person in our relationship - and we have to take it day by day.
'It was difficult in the beginning not be able to book things in advance and how Julian feels comes first over everything.
'I'm organised and like to have everything planned, but I've become more spontaneous now.
'Now I know Julian better, we've grown together and we are totally open with each other.
'Coping with his prognosis and challenges is something we do together instead of individually.'
Lucy is the happiest she's ever been with Julian and the couple say they are in this together
One challenge for Lucy is often feeling 'forgotten' as the partner of someone living with a brain tumour.
'People always ask how Julian is and how he's doing, but don't usually ask how I am,' she said.
'Partners and families are often forgotten but we also live with our loved ones' cancer and it has a big impact on us, too.'
But Julian is always there for Lucy and 'lifts' her when she has a bad day
'It's not a one-way relationship – Julian is so supportive and encourages my development and career,' said Lucy, who starts a job as a hospital operation theatre assistant next month.
Julian said that following his diagnosis he felt suicidal, but now he counts his blessings
And Lucy is sharing her story for the first time to help The Brain Tumour Charity raise awareness and backs its Great Minds campaign to raise funds for research and supporting people living with a brain tumour.
'I support The Brain Tumour Charity's vital work as research to find better treatments and one day a cure gives hope to people like Julian and me,' she said.
Now the couple live in the moment.
'We wake up and take each day as it comes,' said Lucy.
'Julian was told he had nine-12 months to live over four years ago and he's still here – and we hope he's with us for some years to come – he's a person, not a statistic.
Lucy says Julian has taught her not to live in fear and that 'life is for living'
'He's taught me that life is for living. We're realistic but have made a conscious decision not to live in fear.
'If we're too fearful of the future, we won't enjoy what we've got right now.'
Julian said: 'Right after my diagnosis in 2016, I felt suicidal. I remember lying in my hospital bed and thinking it would be better if I wasn't here – I didn't want to be burden to my family and cause them suffering.
Julian did not want to hurt Lucy so first resisted getting into a serious relationship
'But I changed my perspective and started counting my blessings. It's taken cancer to make me realise how precious life is and what's really important – being surrounded by the people I love.
'After First Dates, I got a few messages but when I looked at Lucy's Facebook profile, she stood out as she seemed so genuine and natural.
'At first, I shied away from anything serious as I didn't want to risk hurting Lucy, but she convinced me we should go for it.
'Thinking about having a baby together is a huge decision. If we went ahead, I'd want to be around to see our child grow up but I have to accept that may not happen.
'If I'm not around, I know Lucy would be a wonderful mother.
'None of us knows what the future holds, and I can't just sit around waiting to die. Why shouldn't I carry on with my life and want the things that everyone else wants?
'So I'm focusing on the now and living my life. Everyone calls me 'Julian the brain cancer guy' but Lucy makes me feel like a person, a man.
Julian said Lucy's Facebook profile stood out as 'natural' among others who had contacted him
'It may not have been in the usual way, but I'm so grateful First Dates found me love and I'm blessed to have Lucy at my side.'
Sarah Lindsell, chief executive of The Brain Tumour Charity, said: 'We are very grateful to Lucy for sharing her and Julian's touching story to help us raise awareness.
'As Lucy says, a brain tumour diagnosis has an impact on partners and the whole family, not solely the person living with a brain tumour, which is why our support services and new relationship counselling service are incredibly important.
'Research is our only real hope of finding a cure for this brutal disease which is why, despite Covid-19, we are funding £4.8 million for vital research over the next five years.'