Brave domestic violence survivor relives the moment her deranged ex slammed his BMW into her home and set it on fire with her family inside - and the chilling final words he spoke before he killed himself in the blaze

A domestic violence survivor has recalled how chillingly calm her jilted ex-boyfriend was before he set fire to her home in a crazed attempt to kill her and her family.

Unemployed banker Neil de Graaf suffered burns to 95 per cent of his body after he doused petrol around the home of his former partner April Wilmot in Ipswich, south-east Queensland, and set it alight in November 2016.

He had seconds earlier crashed his BMW into the property armed with two jerry cans of fuel and a gas bottle.

Ms Wilmot, then 23, escaped the burning house with her mother, teenage brother and his girlfriend after initially barricading themselves in an upstairs bedroom.

April Wilmot narrowly escaped her burning home after her ex-boyfriend doused the house with fuel and set fire to the property

Recounting in detail the harrowing ordeal which left her with enough trauma for '50 lifetimes', the young woman said her phone conversation with de Graaf moments before the attack left her with no indication of what he would do next.  

'I had broken up with Neil a couple of weeks prior and the communication had been quite sparse in those three weeks,' she told SBS Insight on Tuesday night.

'I had just spoken to him on the phone a couple of minutes before and I could tell he was driving. And I said to him,"you need to fix this particular issue that we were having".

'He said to me, "don't worry, I have another plan anyway." Real calm.'  

She said the phone call did not immediately trigger any alarm bells, and she was sitting down with her family to eat pizza when de Graaf carried out the shocking raid.

Neil De Graaf in the moments before the attack had told Ms Wilmot "don't worry, I have another plan anyway"

The home's second storey collapsed during the fire at the home in Ipswich, south-east Queensland in 2016

She said the force of him slamming into the house sent a mirror and a clock flying off the wall, and created a crack in the building's internal wall in 'mere seconds'.

As her family hid in the bathroom, she said she saw liquid pooling on the bottom of the floor but did not comprehend what was happening.  

'I didn't have much time to comprehend that before the entire internal door of the bathroom was in flames,' she said.

'As soon as I escaped the bathroom my dressing gown just immediately engulfed in flames and the whole bedroom, all the drapes, the mattress … everything was in flames.' 

The four of them eventually escaped the blaze, but de Graaf set himself alight and lost his life after he was put into an induced coma.

Ms Wilmot has endured years of intense counselling following the traumatic events of almost four years ago - which she said had also brought her a great deal of guilt because of what her family had been put through.  

Ms Wilmot told how de Graaf posted revenge porn online before the night of the attack falsely claiming it was of her

The young woman said the phone call prior to him crashing into her house and setting fire to it did not immediately trigger any alarm bells

'I look back on my experience with Neil and question things, like everybody does, and think I should have known or I should have been able to see this,' she said.

'I try to remind myself that Neil was a very damaged and disturbed individual before I met him. It’s fair to say it was quite a volatile relationship.

'It was quite obvious to me not long after dating him that there were a few disturbing behaviours that weren’t quite rational... it was never a healthy relationship, even from the very early stages.' 

' ... It did get to the point where I realised that I was way in over my head. But by the time that I realised that, he had said quite graphic, explicit threats against my life and my family’s life.'

Ms Wilmot has previously told how de Graaf posted revenge porn online falsely claiming it was of her after she pushed back on his attempts to get close to her again. 

De Graaf was put into an induced coma after sustaining burns to 95 per cent of his body in the fire 

'My whole relationship with Neil was just me delaying, trying to figure out how I was going to navigate this to make that day not come,' she earlier this week told The Courier-Mail. 

'The last time I ever spoke to Neil was me pleading with him, begging with him "please take the post down, I don't want to have to go to the police, but you're giving me no choice",' she said.

That conversation came just hours before the attack at her mother's home.  

'The gravity of the situation can not be understated, to be honest with you,' Acting Inspector Heath McQueen said at the time.

The home's second storey collapsed during the fire and Ms Wilmot escaped with her family after barricading themselves in a bathroom

'We're very fortunate today that we're not standing here with a much worse in that there could have been multiple persons deceased.' 

The home's second storey collapsed during the fire.  

Ms Wilmot warned others in violent relationships the danger signs are not always clear at first.

'People say why didn't she leave?' she said. 'People don't realise that by the time you realise what this person is … it's too late by then.' 

If you are experiencing mental health difficulties, or know someone who is, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.