Cyclists are the LibDems of the road: self-righteous, irritating, appallingly dressed and loathed by everyone else.
Now the car versus bike hate-a-thon is about to take yet another turn for the worse. For it has just been revealed that six out of ten cyclists admit to jumping red lights. Not coincidentally, road rage incidents involving cyclists are also on the rise. So it’s an odds-on bet that even as I write these words, pro-cycle lobbyists are frantically pedalling to TV and radio studios to argue the case for bikes and against those evil, smelly, CO2-producing cars.
Now, before we go any further let me say that I’ve got nothing against bicycles. When I was younger, fitter and didn’t have a driving license, I used to zoom round London on the battered black bike that had seen me through university. Then I took one stupid risk too many, came off it in the middle of Fulham Broadway and ended up under the wheels of a double-decker bus. The driver braked in time, thank heavens, but his offside front tyre was literally touching the side of my skull when he finally came to a halt.
Danger: More than half of cyclists have jumped a red light, according to a survey by the Institute of Advanced MotoristsAt that point I decided it really was about time that I got myself a driving license.
Back then, cycling, like so much of life, was a lot less organised, regulated and generally puffed-up than it is now. I had my bike, some lights and a lock. If anyone had suggested that I should wear special clothes to go cycling in I’d have thought they were nuts. Even helmets were (quite wrongly) considered a ridiculous extravagance, which is why I can still to this day close my eyes and feel the warmth of that bus-tyre against my bare head.
More... More than half of cyclists have jumped red lights to get ahead of other road users On yer bike! Cycle sales to hit record high (even though one in 20 still can't ride one)
Back then there weren’t pressure groups angrily denouncing anyone who dared say a word against the two-wheeled Taliban. (Go on, post-away, you sweaty, lycra-clad human sausages!) Nor would anyone have imagined that a future leader of the Conservative Party would demonstrate his claims to being a regular man-of-the-people by cycling to work. We didn’t even have a Mayor of London back then, but if we did, we’d certainly not expect him to be another pushbike punisher, too.
But what we did by and large believe was that cyclists had to obey the same rules of the road as everyone else. And if we did turn a blind eye to the Highway Code we had no one to blame but ourselves if we got into trouble as a result.
Cyclists have positioned themselves as an oppressed minority, bullied and beaten by the wicked, motorised majorityThere were many, many things wrong with Britain in the 70s and early 80s, but one thing that was better was that, for the most part, people didn’t play the victim, obsess about health and safety or expect compensation for accidents that wouldn’t have happened if they’d displayed a shred of common sense.
Now, though, everything has changed. Now cyclists have positioned themselves as an oppressed minority, bullied and beaten by the wicked, motorised majority. And because they are struggling to survive in the cruel Darwinian battlefield of the roads many of them therefore believe that they are entitled to ignore the rules that govern the rest of us. Naturally, no blame can be attached to anything they do and it’s just disgusting, bike-ist prejudice to criticise them in any way.
Trend: When I used to regularly cycle, we didn't have a Mayor of London. But if we had, we certainly wouldn't have expected him to be another pushbike punisherSo if a cyclist in dark clothes goes out onto the road at night on a bike without proper lights, it’s not his fault if a driver fails to see him. And if two slow, middle-aged cyclists ride side-by-side along a country road, gently weaving across the tarmac, blocking an entire lane, then it’s down to everyone else to crawl along in their wake. And if a grim-faced urban cyclist zooms out of a sidestreet without checking to see that the road ahead is clear; or turns without making a signal; or comes up on ones inside, noiselessly and invisibly; or, yes, decides that the red light actually means ‘edge out into the traffic then proceed at your own convenience’, well that’s just his (or her) culture and we should all learn to respect it.
And it’s all nonsense. I say again, I’ve got nothing against bikes. I wish there were more dedicated cycle lanes and cycle tracks. I’m all for people taking more exercise. I’m an avid follower of the Tour de France and I’ll be yelling myself hoarse supporting Cavendish, Hoy, Pendleton and all our other Olympic cyclists. I’ll willingly concede that many, many motorists are thugs on four wheels who show appalling disregard for other road-users, cyclists included.
But I’d feel a great deal more warmly towards the cycling fraternity if there weren’t so many of them acting like absolute idiots, the moment they pull on their stupid clothes, rest their buttocks on their cycle-seats and start turning the pedals.
