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RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: How far is Julie Bentley prepared to go in order to make the Girl Guides more 'relevant'?

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A working class girl: Julie Bentley, the new chief executive, says she wants to shed The Girl Guides' 'middle-class reputation' and attract recruits from more diverse backgrounds

The Girl Guides have fallen to the Guardianistas. Julie Bentley, the new chief executive, says she wants to shed the organisation’s ‘middle-class reputation’ and attract recruits from more diverse backgrounds.

She intends to demonstrate that the Guides are ‘cool’. When she was appointed, she raised eyebrows by describing Girl Guiding UK as the ‘ultimate feminist organisation’.

Miss Bentley’s plans have been shaped by her own experience. ‘I am very working class and was never a Brownie or a Guide.’ Her aim to broaden the appeal of the organisation is commendable and she has promised not to ‘throw the baby out with the bath water’.

But there are fears in more traditional quarters over how far she is prepared to go in order to make the Guides more ‘relevant’ to 21st-century Britain.

Pilot projects are already under way in some areas. This column has been sent a copy of a newsletter and mission statement from a recently established, inner-city, combined Guides and Brownies group: 'Girlguiding UK is an equal opportunities organisation, which does not discriminate on the grounds of race, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation.

We particularly welcome applications from members of the transgendered, transsexual and intersex communities, who are currently under-represented.

However, we do discriminate on the grounds of gender, pursuant to the provisions laid out in the Positive Discrimination Act 2009. 

Therefore, it has been decided to drop the name Guides. While superficially gender neutral it could include males, who as we all know are violent oppressors and potential rapists.

  More... Girl Guiding 'needs to be more cool': Chief says organisation must shed middle class image Children starting school in nappies: Youngsters as old as five are not toilet trained TWO THIRDS of British children cannot concentrate at school because of sleep deprivation

Guiding carries connotations of grooming, which is particularly inappropriate in light of recent revelations about a certain well-known children’s television entertainer, fortunately now deceased.

After due consideration we have also decided to drop the name Brownies, which is clearly offensive to persons of colour. Henceforth, to reflect our inclusivity, we will be known as the First Winnie Mandela Radical Young Feminists Project.

In keeping with our progressive agenda, we are scrapping uniforms, which have militaristic overtones and could be interpreted as conveying support for the illegal wars prosecuted by successive British governments in recent years.

There are fears in more traditional quarters over how far Julie Bentley is prepared to go in order to make the Guides more 'relevant' to 21st-century Britain

We are sensitive to the fact that a rigid uniform policy may act as a disincentive to fashion-conscious Young Feminists, who are free to attend in appropriate clothing of their choice, including onesies.

Please note that our steering committee has decided that we will no longer be meeting in St Bartholomew’s Church Hall from this week forward. We are a multi-faith organisation and any association with the established Church may discourage members of minority religions from enrolling.

We were also disturbed to learn that the Rev Farage, the rampantly homophobic rector of St Bartholomew’s, is refusing to conduct same-sex weddings.

For the immediate future, Young Feminists are requested to assemble outside Accessorize, next to the boarded-up Woolworth’s in the Hugo Chavez Retail Experience (formerly the Arndale Centre).

This Friday we will be holding a candlelit vigil for Abu Qatada, followed by a kebab and Bacardi Breezer supper.

Some of you may have read on Facebook recently that we plan to reach out to those who previously would not have considered joining our organisation.

'For the immediate future, Young Feminists are requested to assemble outside Accessorize, next to the boarded-up Woolworth's in the Hugo Chavez Retail Experience (formerly the Arndale Centre)'

In keeping with this goal, we have introduced a number of new badges and activities which will help prepare Young Feminists for the challenges of the 21st century.

We will be offering a brand new Makeover badge, to include hair extensions and waxing, courtesy of our sponsors, Reinaldo’s Brazilian Beauty Spa.

Our popular Sewing category will be expanded to include instruction in how to effect a running repair to a flesh wound in the event of an unexpected and unprovoked ‘glassing’ at a rave.

To assist Young Feminists in the difficult task of life balancing, we are also introducing a Microwaving badge. This will involve heating up a ready meal of Pot Noodles in under two minutes before settling down on the sofa to watch The Great British Bake Off.

For our Survival Skills badge, we have decided to dispense with camping and orienteering. This winter, members will travel to Newcastle city centre where, dressed only in micro-skirts, thongs, skimpy vests and stilettos, they will be expected to endure eight hours outdoors in freezing temperatures, sustained only by 18 bottles of alcopops.

Extra marks will be awarded to all those who manage to complete the course without vomiting, getting arrested or ending up in casualty.

'To assist Young Feminists in the difficult task of life balancing, we are also introducing a Microwaving badge'

Instead of learning how to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, Radical Young Feminists will be taught the safest way to assemble a petrol bomb in preparation for the next spontaneous demonstration against student loans and the savage cuts.

A fortnight on Friday, a technician from Computerland will be holding a seminar on how to delete compromising, intimate photos that may have inadvertently been posted on Twitter and distributed over the worldwide web by treacherous and immature so-called boyfriends.

The following week, we are honoured to announce that the world-famous MP and Oscar-winning actress Glenda Jackson will be giving us a lecture on why Mrs Thatcher wasn’t a woman.

This will be followed by a rousing rendition of our new anthem, Ding, Dong! The Witch Is Dead. This classic tune has been chosen to replace the more traditional A Guide’s Got A Face Like A Ping Pong Ball, which was deemed to be offensive to victims of acne and associated skin disorders.

We are aware a number of parents/appropriate adults have expressed concerns that traditional values may be lost as our modernisation programme progresses. Please be assured that is not the case. Our new chief executive has promised that ‘the baby will not be thrown out with the bath water’.

In keeping with this spirit, we have arranged a visit from the Senior Nursing Sister at the local maternity unit for the benefit of any single mothers who may be interested in joining the First Winnie Mandela Radical Young Feminists Project. Creche facilities will be provided.

Her first lecture is entitled: How not to throw the baby out with the bath water . . .'

First they came for the telly veterans... In February, the parliamentary expenses cheat Lord Hanningfield successfully sued police who raided his Essex home at 6.45am. He was awarded £3,500 damages

Thanks for your response to my last column, ‘Arrest first, ask questions later’, on the heavy-handed tactics being used by police investigating ‘historic’ sex abuse, phone-hacking and payment to public officials.

I’ve heard from a number of lawyers and ex-coppers, who point out that the standard policy of mob-handed dawn raids and ransacking homes is not only over the top, it’s probably unlawful.Under the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) a person who is willing to attend a police station to be interviewed does not need to be arrested.

The arrest code was amended last October to make this point crystal clear.

In February, the parliamentary expenses cheat Lord Hanningfield successfully sued police who raided his Essex home at 6.45am. He was awarded £3,500 damages.

The judge said the requirement for ‘necessity’ laid down by Parliament had not remotely been met. Hanningfield may be a crook, who had previously been sentenced to nine months, but even crooks have rights.

So do journalists and TV personalities, all of whom would have been happy to present themselves for interview. Many of them still haven’t been charged with anything.

Yet people are still being arrested as a basis for negotiation and then left in limbo while the Old Bill try to construct a case against them.

As I’ve said before, if people have a case to answer it must be tested in court. But arresting them first and then trawling for evidence is a serious abuse of process.

The presumption of innocence is being turned on its head. Where’s the outrage from the ‘civil liberties’ lobby? Where are the indignant Guardian editorials?

What does the Home Secretary think about the Old Bill flouting PACE guidelines and ignoring a judge’s ruling?

We are talking Pastor Niemoller here. First they came for the Communists, etc.

You’d have thought the Tories might have woken up when the police tried to frame Andrew Mitchell, the former Chief Whip.

But, nothing, nada, zip. Only silence. That’s how you end up with a police state.

If I’m not here on Tuesday, you’ll know I’ve been fitted up.

Don't go wobbly, play your Joker      More from Richard Littlejohn...   RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: When they said fight them on the beaches, Dave... 27/05/13   RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Toytown jihadists and a lack of political willpower 23/05/13   RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: The paying public are sick and tired of being ignored and patronised. So who are the real swivel-eyed loons? 20/05/13   The truth at last! Peter Mandelson admits Labour 'sent out search parties' to bring migrants here after losing the votes of the working class, writes RICHARD LITTLEJOHN 17/05/13   So that's why they called it an oil rig! 16/05/13   When did an 8-month jail sentence become eight weeks? 13/05/13   Arrest first - ask questions later: How dawn raids and ransacking houses became standard operating procedure 06/05/13   RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Proof no good deed ever goes unpunished 02/05/13   VIEW FULL ARCHIVE

Cambridge University students have been forced to cancel their annual jelly wrestling contest amid allegations of sexism.

Apparently, it features female undergraduates writhing about in a paddling pool filled with jelly. Sounds like a blue stocking version of mud wrestling. Do you think strong drink might be involved?

Clearly they have no difficulty in persuading the women to take part, so what’s the problem? Funny how attitudes change. A few years ago you’d have stumbled across something like this on It’s A Knockout.

What was the name of the bloke who presented it?

That’s right. Eddie Waring.

Long gone are the days when ministers had to resign for revealing details of official announcements to the Press before telling Parliament.

On Wednesday, Call Me Dave trailed the main points of the Queen’s Speech on Twitter. To be honest, 140 characters was about all it was worth. Frankly, I don’t know why they bothered. They could have cut out the middle man and put the whole lot out on Twitter.

Shy and retiring Louise Mensch announces that she has been ‘self-medicating’ with alcohol to cure her attention deficit disorder.

Clearly, it isn’t working. I recommend a pint of ritalin.





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