With an act like this, he wouldn't even get through the first round of Britain's Got Talent.
Simon Cowell, 52, showed his childish side as he put on a show for the paparazzi aboard his yacht.
Along with former flame Sinitta, who he looked exceptionally cosy with, he pretended to use a banana as a mobile phone and shoved an orange in his mouth while she held lemons to her ears.
Playful: Simon Cowell and Sinitta fooled about with photographers, posing with fruit on the yacht in St BartsLarking about with a variety of silly poses, Simon also held the tangerine to his nose, while Sinitta popped one of her lemons in her mouth and the other on top of her head.
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The pair are currently getting cosy on The Slipstream, which can cost up to nearly £600,000-a-week to hire out - although with Cowell worth an estimated £200m, it will hardly dent his bank balance.
Big kids: Simon pretended to chatter on his banana phoneHowever, despite the idyllic setting for a pair of lovebirds, Sinitta is battling with a host of female companions who have been coming and going throughout the Syco boss' eked out festive trip.
Millionairess divorcee Zeta Graff is also aboard, who has been friends with Cowell since 2004, while Swedish blonde model Victoria Silvstedt made a fleeting visit last week.
Ex-girlfriend Jackie St Clair also made an appearance, which prompted Sinitta, 43, to flee Barbados.
Just good friends? Sinitta cradled Simon's head as their chins rested on each other
Yet the moment St Clair had flown the nest again, the former popstar returned to Cowell's side.
The music mogul is believed to have forked out over £16,000 to fly his ex and good friend to the UK and back again as to avoid a showdown between the two women, who have been rivals for 25 years.
A source told the Mirror: 'Simon thinks the whole situation is ridiculous but accepts Sinitta's feelings.
'There is no love lost between the pair and there's little hope of of the pair ever sorting things out, there's too much water under the bridge.'
Clowning around: Simon wouldn't get through the first round of Britain's Got Talent with this actSimon has been uncharacteristically quiet on Twitter since joining the site in November; obviously too busy relishing the rays and soaking up his slightly pinkish tan.
His last tweet was on January 4 when he paid his respects to a former X Factor contestant who passed away this year after a battle with bladder cancer.
He wrote: 'I just heard the sad news about Kerry McGregor. I really admired Kerry and my thoughts now go out to all of her family & friends.'
Actor in the making? Simon obviously enjoyed getting into character for the paparazzi with his fruity props