LIZ JONES FASHION THERAPY: Pay £700 for Armani sunglasses? You must have been in the sun for too long!
Remember how once upon a time shoes were small, discreet, mostly black and plain? Well, sunglasses were once that way, too.
I have in my hands my pair of original early Eighties sunglasses by Cutler & Gross, still in their tiny spectacle case lined with blue velvet.
The wire and frame are gold and fragile, the lenses oval and blue, barely bigger than my eyes. They are light, and discreet. They keep out dangerous rays, but they are not rude when I am talking to people, as others can still see my eyes.
Most crucially, these glasses did not cost the equivalent of the National Debt: in 1983 they were £35. I couldn't find a single glossy ad for sunglasses in my Eighties Vogues, but in my May 2013 edition, there are over a dozen full-page ads for the blasted things.
Sunglasses are clearly very big business indeed.
This summer, designers have realised that sunglasses are probably the last great untapped resource left to womankind.
Dolce & Gabbana's are deckchair-striped and Dame Edna Everage colourful. Giorgio Armani's are embellished with green sequins, which make them more race horse blinkers than mere pair of shades. Fendi's are angular. Bottega Veneta's are the size of a small house. Michael Kors' are white, and huge, too. Chloe's shades are a Seventies retro brown, and cover half the face.
Armani Kaleidoscope sunglassesH&M aviators
Miu Miu's pair seem to float, having half the arms missing. But more shocking than even the designs are the prices: Armani's embellished pair cost £700, while most seem to hover around the £500 mark, which is incredible.
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Sunglasses are now big business in the literal sense, too. And I blame Victoria Beckham. Her huge, black, bug-eyed frames, ostensibly worn to retain her privacy, but which succeeded only in attracting attention, sparked the mania for the big and all-concealing.
And, of course, she sells many, many pairs of her own-brand glasses: the 18-carat rose gold-plated glasses of hers are my favourite. A mere snip at £495.
My favourite modern brand is Oliver Peoples (oliverpeoples.com). Most pairs hover around £200, but these glasses are not gimmicky and will last for years.
A good one-stop sunnies website is pretavoir.co.uk. Although it does have a very unhelpful virtual sales assistant who pops up uninvited.
My advice would be that the smaller the face, the bigger the pair of sunglasses you will be able to carry off. I have a big, round face, so tend to avoid the great big bug shades, which sit well only on a heart-shaped face.
The aviator, all fine metal lines and a slightly heart-shaped lens, is to my mind the most flattering style, whatever your face shape. They were worn by models at the Dries Van Noten show for this spring/summer.
The aviator made the great big black shades worn by Anna Wintour seem suddenly very heavy, and austere. You can buy these very Dries lenses from brownsfashion.com, £210.
A good, budget-priced alternative is the range from Topshop: all are under £20, all protect your eyes just as well as a more expensive brand.
My favourite Top Shop pair are the chain trim aviator with rose glass, £14, while H&M's aviator sunglasses in rose are even cheaper at £6.99.
Best of all, there will be no tears if you - and you invariably will before the end of summer - lose them, or sit on them.
LIZ JONES SPIES ON.... JAEGER, REGENT STREET, LONDON Jaeger flagship, Regent Street, LondonLet me explain the difference between being a fashion editor and being a normal shopper. I was both last Wednesday.
First, I had my editor hat on to view the Jaeger collection for autumn, complete with £50 gift voucher and fawning brand directors.
The clothes, the first collection to emerge after the departure of owner Harold Tillman, are gorgeous: a metallic Jacquard coat that could be by Burberry, great knitwear.
I was so impressed - except by the Boutique sub-brand, as I don't think young girls will ever shop here - that I walked to the store afterwards.
Oh dear. Polyester trouser suits that cost £400. Batwing sleeves on sweaters. Waterfall cardigans.
I told the sales assistant I wanted something special, so she sent me up to 'occasion wear', which has a filthy carpet, and the sort of old lady shifts and short, boxy swing jackets that make me want to pull my hair out.
Jaeger is charging designer prices, but there is no designer ambiance in the store. On the ground floor I told a sales assistant I wanted to buy two candles. She said they were on the second floor.
Great! I said. She didn't move.
'Can you go and fetch some for me?' I asked. 'I'm in heels.'
'Oh no,' she said. 'I can’t leave my floor, and I'm serving customers.'
'But I’m a customer.'
'Then you will have to go and get them yourself.’
Former chairman Harold Tillman must be swivelling in his deckchair...
