LIZ JONES, FASHION THERAPY: Baring your midriff - Rihanna, Diane Kruger and Jessica Ennis are all doing it. But dare you try this season's chilliest trend?

/li> 0 shares 53

comments

This latest trend for women revealing their midriffs could be an April Fool's joke, couldn't it?

But no, the crop top is everywhere for this summer, instilling fear and loathing in women the length and breadth of the land.

It was first seen hovering distantly above pencil skirts on the catwalk at Jonathan Saunders, while at Miu Miu it was less of a top and more of a bra.

At Louis Vuitton, the crop top was so skimpy you could see the under-curvature of the models' breasts: the body part that was even banned at the Grammys. 

Rihanna and Diane Kruger are just two celebrities getting their washboard stomachs out all in the name of fashion this spring

But there is a reason for this madness. Last summer, about the time this designer lot were at the drawing board stage, we were all agog with admiration for the abdominal muscles of Jessica Ennis.

Her abs made women believe that Lycra with its middle missing was a good look, and that we, too, could have muscles that ripple like new sand after the tide has gone out.

  More... JANET STREET-PORTER: Why is Pippa writing about food, and would Boris be less funny if he combed his mad hair? (Plus other questions that niggle me...) Stay fit forever with this 24-minute workout! Last week we told you how to slim in your sleep, here's part two of the 'Overnight Diet' Spring yellows! Embrace bright canary hues and sunny shades with these pretty floaty dresses, golden blazers and joyful tops

The crop top is supposed to capitalise on the fact that we have all been working out since last summer, attaining that all-important Victory V we saw snaking into Jessica's gym pants. But the truth is that most of us haven't kept it up. It's too cold. And M&S steamed puddings are just too delicious.

Cat Deeley, left, and Kimberley Walsh, right, have been sporting the bare-stomach look - which Liz Jones says is OK if you're very young, on holiday and are wearing high-waisted trousers

You no longer merely need zero body fat, but muscles, too, and a pair of buttocks like billiard balls. You can't just starve yourself to exploit this new trend fully: you have to exercise as well. Even models on the spring/summer catwalk, who a couple of years ago had no muscle definition, are taking up sport.

      More from Liz Jones...   Ouch, Madge! Like me, you've passed the nip-and-tuck tipping point: It's when that rejuvenating 'work' starts to turn you into a waxwork. As Liz Jones knows all too well... 03/06/13   LIZ JONES FASHION THERAPY: Why you should go hell for leather 02/06/13   The worst (role) model of the century: As fashionistas fawn over Kate Moss's 25 years on the catwalk, a scathing LIZ JONES begs to differ 31/05/13   LIZ JONES: Save us from the jeans that make even Sienna Miller look chunky! 26/05/13   Liz Jones: Midi skirts aren't just for supermodels with legs like flamingos and they'll be autumn's biggest trend 19/05/13   LIZ JONES: Old women are great with cakes - but far too prickly for TV news 18/05/13   LIZ JONES: White's hot this summer, but can you wear it if you're not walking up the aisle? 13/05/13   Can these clothes save M&S? LIZ JONES meets the woman set to perk up Marks' dowdy designs - and gets an exclusive sneak preview 08/05/13   Liz Jones: So what kind of teenager can afford a £780 duffel bag and £365 earrings? Our columnist on the new Miss Vogue magazine 05/05/13   VIEW FULL ARCHIVE

In fashion, it seems you can't win. But if you must indulge, buy your crop top on the High Street, as this trend is bound to be over come autumn.

Rihanna, the Queen of the Honed Midriff, has reasonably priced styles at River Island.

Topshop has lots of crops, including a black and white floral number for £26.

The key to wearing this trend is to be very young, preferably on holiday, and to make sure your trousers or skirt are high-waisted, so only the upper rib area shows.

An exposed belly button might put commuters off their lattes. Think Indian woman in a sari and you'll get the look about right.

The crop is much favoured by gym-honed celebrities, including Cat Deeley, who's made the mistake of exposing too much navel, while actress Diane Kruger gets it right.

A better solution, I think, is to suggest naked legs instead. The sheer skirt is set to be ubiquitous this summer - at Givenchy, it was white and embroidered with teeny flowers (the only thing separating your thong from the world).

But sheer can be a forgiving way of suggesting a mini skirt, while subtly covering your knees. I love the black dress in store at Stella McCartney, with its modest panel of sheer hem.

There are even sheer trousers on offer, as seen at Giorgio Armani: pretty and summery under a floaty tunic top.

Finally, try airing something more forgiving than your midriff. I'm fond of a keyhole in a plain dress. I love the bright blue bodycon with keyhole, £35, at Asos.com. Asos Curve knows that bigger women have great shoulders, so offers bodycon dresses with shoulder cutouts.

So please, expose little windows of your body, like a Victorian peep show, but leave blatant displays of abs for the running track.

LIZ JONES SPIES ON... LAURA ASHLEY Laura Ashley on Oxford Street

Oh, how I used to adore this store. I would make special day trips to London in the Seventies to gaze, to dream and to buy a mauve cotton smock for £3.75, which I adorned with my sister’s cow bells and wore under a second-hand Afghan coat bought in Chelmsford.

Laura Ashley was in the news last week, demanding its suppliers cut costs. But is it really the fault of the cotton growers or is Laura Ashley not performing at its best? 

Well, the clothes are just awful. Tropical print jump suits, £90. A floral maxi dress with no redeeming features whatsoever (it will make you look fat, it’s too short and frumpy), £110. The ubiquitous patterned pyjama bottom, £50.

The sort of crinkled patterned tea dress your granny might put on. The sort of twinset you would wear only in a care home.

Everything seems to be in the sale, with 50 per cent off. Sizes go up to a 20, but I can’t think who would wear this stuff. A few years ago, the brand resurrected its vintage prints and designs, its smocks, its  pie-crust frilled maxi dresses, which at least set it apart from the competition.

Now, it’s like Bon Marche or Per Una at Marks & Spencer after a nuclear holocaust.

The clothes are squashed, there is no aspiration, while the shop assistants seem embarrassed to be selling this tired (and tiered) tat.

Someone should put it out of its misery.