Getting old, if you believe new research, means a third of us will be lonely, miserable and go through a meltdown from which we’ll find it hard to recover.
Blimey! A while ago, the Prime Minister asked the Office For National Statistics to compile a ‘happiness survey’ — the results they’ve gathered seem to show that we’re anything but.
One in three people over 50 say they feel lonely — perhaps the number is fuelled by the doubled divorce rate for this age group over the past decade. More older people than ever live alone, are widowed and have no jobs, so it’s easy to see why they may feel forgotten.
I have approached my 60s with joy - underwear reins in the flab, I ignore all dietary advice, and drink what I like. Life is for having a laugh, and I couldn't care less what I look like on the tennis courtAs if this wasn’t grim enough, another study shows that almost one in three of us over 60 are going through a ‘late-life’ crisis. My goodness, it’s enough to make you reach for the bottle, and sod the warnings from Joan Bakewell and various doctors about the elderly being the new ‘problem’ drinkers.
Psychologist Dr Oliver Robinson has identified this late-life crisis, brought about by people having to retire before they were ready, loss of a loved one or dealing with illness. Retirement gives us time to mull over our misery, and increased life expectancy means we face years of living alone.
All this is very well, but in my experience, loneliness can only be resolved by one person — you. It’s no good moaning about feeling miserable and lonely, if you’re not prepared to get out and talk to people and do something about it — and in our tech-savvy age, it’s easier than ever.
My Auntie Vi, who is elderly and housebound, chats away online and Skypes friends all over the world each day.
More from Janet Street Porter... JANET STREET-PORTER: I despise the nanny state - but it's the only cure for Fat Slob UK 02/06/13 Wrinklies, rise up! Attacked for stealing the young's jobs and patronised by politicians. We oldies, says JANET STREET-PORTER, unveiling her Grey Power Manifesto, need to fight back... 31/05/13 JANET STREET-PORTER: Watch out... soon GPs will ban patients altogether! 27/05/13 Janet Street-Porter: 'Experts say I'm common but I'm just not bovvered! It hasn't held back David Beckham or Adele' 19/05/13 'Yes, I'm a Nimby. And proud of it!': JANET STREET-PORTER cheers on the Not In My Backyard brigade and snubs wind farms 13/05/13 Janet Street-Poter: We'll all have to cough up for Dave's betrayal on booze 'n' fags 05/05/13 How many of us ever thank those who shaped our lives? In these witty yet surprisingly tender letters, JANET STREET PORTER says: Thank you for making me the nation's favourite big mouth 03/05/13 JANET STREET-PORTER: Hand back our bus passes and TV licences?! You must be joking, Iain Duncan Smith 28/04/13 As Sharon Osbourne leaves Ozzy behind, Janet Street-Porter says there are four words a wife should never trust: 'I promise I'll change' 21/04/13 VIEW FULL ARCHIVELoneliness is of your own making. I know that sounds cruel, but it’s true. As for late-life crises, sometimes profound change in your personal life can be a force for the better. Instead of looking at the negative side of divorce, retirement and old age, why not see the positives?
Splitting up with a partner is traumatic, but do you really want to spend the remainder of your active days with a misery, someone who takes you for granted and treats you like a bit of furniture?
There’s no shortage of clubs, activities and holidays for single people now — it’s got zero stigma attached, and most of my friends spend at least half the week avoiding their partners anyway.
It’s the only way to keep your sanity. In the countryside, it’s harder for old people to remain isolated, because rural life is full of rituals like church and clubs where people of all ages mix together. People do shopping, offer lifts, share chores.
In cities, we can learn from Asian and ethnic families who tend to include all generations in their social activities.
I have approached my 60s with joy — underwear reins in the flab, I ignore all dietary advice, and drink what I like. Life is for having a laugh, and I couldn’t care less what I look like on the tennis court, or going for a breezy walk. I don’t have to prove anything.
I hope that when someone comes up to you with a clipboard and says they are compiling a survey on attitudes towards ageing, you tell them to bog off. Enjoy life, it’s what you make it.
It’s time to show the banks who’s bossFollowing widespread criticism, some disgraced banking bosses might be considering handing back their titles and forfeiting part of their massive pensions.
But have banks improved as far as customers are concerned? A new Which? survey found that a fifth of us are unsatisfied with how our complaints are dealt with, and more than a quarter of us have had problems with current accounts in the past year.
More people than ever are expected to switch banks this year as new rules come into force that aim to make it easier, and there are new players like Tesco, Marks & Spencer and the Post Office. Today, new figures will be announced for the number of complaints received by the Financial Services Authority about current accounts for the second half of 2012 — I don’t expect them to have gone down.
When will the banks realise that they serve us, not the other way round? I changed from Coutts to HSBC in November — it’s taken four months, and I now have two managers after endless emails. Coutts didn’t say goodbye or ask why I left (the charges were ridiculous, even when I was in credit). Once again, you feel the customer is just a nuisance.
Jamie Oliver is writing a new cookery book aimed at families coping with the recession. Save with Jamie, Shop Smart, Cook Clever, Waste Less will be published in August to accompany his next television series.
Jamie is thoroughly engaging, and I applaud his energy and commitment — but I wonder what this book will cost and whether the hard-pressed customers it’s aimed at will be able to afford it.
His last three books topped the best-sellers, but Great Britain originally cost £30, and Fifteen Minute and Thirty Minute Meals retailed at £26 each (all now available discounted online). Jamie is a multi-millionaire, so will this — his 17th book — be sold in aid of charity? It may be an appropriate gesture.
Charity begins at StarbucksStarbucks is the first UK chain to participate in the Suspended Coffee Campaign, allowing customers to pay for a drink for a homeless person when buying one for themselves.
The money will be matched by Starbucks and distributed via a charity throughout the UK. Starbucks faced a huge outcry last autumn when it emerged it generated sales of £398 million in 2010, but paid no corporation tax, claiming a ‘loss’. Since 1998, they have paid just 1 per cent in corporation tax on sales of over £3 billion.
Never mind Britain's Got Talent, my Saturday highlight was watching Psy's concert live from Seoul on YoutubeStep one of a damage limition exercise: it appointed a PR firm and ran contrite ads.
Step two: it offered to pay the Treasury £10 million a year extra in taxes for two years.
Step three: it signs up to ‘help’ the homeless — but we have to contribute as well. Sorry, but what’s their motive?
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Never mind Britain’s Got Talent, my Saturday highlight was watching Psy’s concert live from Seoul on Youtube, in which the Korean pop star launched his follow-up single to Gangnam Style, Gentleman.
The video features a series of silly jokes and an even more bonkers sideways dance — in my experience, best perfected after a couple of glasses of vino without an audience to sneer.
A day later, it had been viewed an astonishing 19 million times on YouTube, making it the most popular video ever.
Why do we love this chubby chap? He doesn’t take himself seriously: his show featured a ‘tribute’ to Beyonce, where Psy (right) mimed to her hit Single Ladies dressed in a nude and scarlet striped body suit, with matching pop socks. Genius!
Victory’s not so sweet for SugarI have little sympathy for Stella English, the former Apprentice winner, who lost her claim for unfair dismissal against Lord Sugar. The irascible peer is not everyone’s cup of tea — he’s lacked a few social skills when I’ve run into him — but in this case, Ms English’s claim was totally without merit. She resigned from her first job at Lord Sugar’s company Viglen without giving notice.
When he offered her another job at another of his companies, YouView, she resigned a second time and sold her story to a newspaper. The court ruled her case for unfair constructive dismissal ‘should never have been brought’.
I have little sympathy for Stella English, the former Apprentice winner, who lost her claim for unfair dismissal against Lord SugarMs English did herself no favours appearing at the hearings dressed as if auditioning for a new role as a TV hostess, not a serious businesswoman. Sir Alan has to pay his legal costs — he’s right to complain about the ‘claim-culture’ in which employees hire lawyers on a no-win no-fee basis.
I almost feel sorry for the old attack dog.
