This is more than sibling rivalry
At our mother’s funeral, my elder sister revealed to me that she had always been jealous of me, which made me realise why she has been malicious towards me. Every time she and her husband visited my parents’ house they would take home one of their valuable antiques.
She has taken many of my old toys, some of which are now quite valuable. She took £40,000 from our uncle to build an extension so he could move in, but after a short time she put him into a care home and denied having taken that amount.
My wife and I rescued him and moved him to live near us. Her final greedy act was to get my mother to change her will shortly before she died, leaving two thirds of her inheritance (plus all the sentimental possessions) to my sister and her husband and just a third to me. I have a burning rage inside me.
Sadly it seems that your sister and her husband’s greed have overridden everything else. What they did to your uncle was appalling. I suspect that your mother found it difficult to stand up to her.
You could tell your sister and her husband how you feel, but do it calmly and assertively, not angrily. They are likely to deny their own dishonourable behaviour but at least they will know what you think.
Then take legal advice. Most adult children have a right to contest a parent’s will, especially if you think it was made under undue influence. Get in touch with Contact Law (contactlaw.co.uk) to find a solicitor who specialises in wills. Holding on to anger is self-destructive. Let it go and enjoy your life.
Is he having an affair?We are in our late 20s and have two children. After three years of marriage my husband has started acting strangely. We have less sex, he is distant and recently I found suspicious emails. He denies cheating but I think he’s lying.
Some of the telltale signs of a cheating spouse are: a change in routine (being away from home more, listening to completely different music or reading books they previously had little interest in); taking more care over their appearance; becoming more secretive; never letting their mobile out of sight or suddenly deleting all texts and emails; a change in your sex life – wanting more or less sex or introducing new sexual techniques.
Importantly your gut feeling tells you something is not quite right. Research shows that when men are unfaithful it tends to be because they think they can get away with it, while women are more likely to be looking for an emotional connection. If you can, gather more evidence and then confront him again. Try joint counselling with Relate (relate.org.uk). I can’t get over my termination
I am 16 and I had an abortion several months ago. I didn’t tell anyone except my boyfriend – the father of the baby – as I am not close to my family. I felt pressured by him into the termination and now he has turned his back on me.
He promised he would come with me for my appointment but did not turn up and went out with his friends to get high instead. I am finding it hard to get over the termination.
Everyone experiences different emotions after an abortion, but feeling sad and wondering if you have done the right thing is very natural. Without family support it would have been incredibly difficult to have had the baby. So try to see that you did what was best for you at the time.
I am worried that you went through all this alone and were badly let down by your boyfriend. If you can’t confide in your mother, are there other family members such as your grandparents, an aunt or older cousin who you could talk to? It’s too much to carry all this on your own. Contact the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (bpas.org) for post-abortion counselling.
Contact ZeldaIf you have a problem, write to Zelda West-Meads at: YOU, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, or email z.west-meads@you.co.ukZelda reads all your letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally
A love like ours: Kerry and Doug Lord: still in love despite the distance
Kerry, 28, says I met Doug the day before Valentine’s Day in 2006 on match.com. I’d had a string of unsuccessful dates but we hit it off straight away, although I was a bit intimidated at first by the nine-year age gap. We married four years after we met. Doug works in Glasgow during the week as a management consultant while I run my alpaca wool business in Leamington Spa. It’s a testing time being apart at the moment because our son Edward arrived last September.
We met through technology and now we use it to keep in touch – we speak on Facetime whenever we can and I record Edward’s first moments on film so that I can email them to Doug.
The strength of Doug’s support as I have built my business has been incredible and he never questions me, even when I have mad ideas. Doug is honest, sensitive and balanced. He is comfortable in his skin, which is why I fell head over heels in love with him as a 22-year-old.
Doug, 37, says I thought Kerry was beautiful when I first met her. We had tough times in the early days which brought us even closer; Kerry had kidney surgery in the first few months and I didn’t think twice about being with her at the hospital.
We giggle all the time and I admire her creativity and drive. We live apart at the moment, so the transition for us as a couple into becoming parents has been hard. We are looking forward to sharing the load when my current job in Glasgow comes to an end shortly and we can be together. We are adaptable – life always throws things in your path, but we readjust and keep growing. It’s about always checking on how the other one is doing and appreciating them every day.
thetoftalpacashop.co.uk
