As she sank into the depths of alcohol addiction, Gillian McFarlane knew she had to do the best thing for her young daughter.
Rather than give up the bottle, however, the former air hostess made a decision that will horrify parents everywhere.
She packed five-year-old Sara’s suitcase and sent her to live with her Italian father in his homeland – so she could continue drinking herself into oblivion.
Today the 48-year-old, who is now sober, appeared on This Morning to talk about the alcohol addiction that nearly claimed her life.
Gillian McFarlane did something that will shock parents everywhere: she gave up her child to sink further into alcoholism
Miss McFarlane, from Bishopbriggs, Glasgow, told hosts Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langford: 'She deserved better. I wasn't interested in playing, going to the park or parties or doing anything with her, I just wanted to sit and drink. I just wanted to hand her over to my mum so I could carry on drinking.
'Sara would ask me: "Why are you shaking mummy?" and I would blame it on the cold weather.
'Our routine was Sara went to bath, book and bed. Then when she was asleep I would start drinking.
'She was still in my care at that point so I didn't drink too much but it was a struggle not to.'
Miss McFarlane is racked with guilt for uprooting her only child, now 11, who she has only seen a handful of times since she left to live with her businessman father Antonio Decesare, 38, in Southern Italy.
The youngster is now 11 and lives in southern Italy with businessman father Antonio Decesare, 38
Recalling the moment she knew she could not look after her daughter, she said: ‘As disgraceful as it sounds, I didn’t have the energy to be a mother. All I wanted to do was drink. I’ll never forget Sara looking so confused when I started packing her bags to take her to her father.
‘It was heartbreaking and I felt full of guilt but at the time I thought it was the right thing to do.’
She turned to drink three years after Sara was born when she and Mr Decesare split up in 2005. She began leaving Sara with family or friends while she sat at home drowning her sorrows.
She said: ‘I knew what I was doing was wrong but the urge to drink was just too strong.
‘It sounds awful but I resented the fact she was there because I couldn’t drink myself into oblivion.’
Miss McFarlane’s condition deteriorated when her mother died at 73 from stomach cancer, so she decided to send her child to live with her former partner.
She said: ‘I broke down when I packed her favourite teddy bear. I hadn’t stopped loving Sara but I knew I had a big drink problem.'
Gillian admitted that the only reason she even went to the doctor who saved her life was because her stomach was so swollen she was unable to reach for her wine glass
After Sara had gone, Miss McFarlane’s drinking continued. She even started to steal alcohol when she could not afford to buy it.
The woman who once lived the glamorous life of an air hostess was unemployed and going speedily downhill. She said: ‘I was a lost soul and I wanted to die.’
By early 2010, the alcohol was taking its toll on her health but unbelievably the only reason that she finally went to the doctor was because it hurt to reach for her glass.
She explained to Eamonn: 'I went to the doctor because I had such a swollen abdomen that it was painful to reach for my drink. I couldn't move because I was so swollen and it hurt to swallow because the alcohol burned my gullet. I didn't care about my health I just wanted that wine in me. The doctor put me straight in an ambulance and the hospital admitted me straight away.'
Miss McFarlane is now teetotal after doctors warned her that one more sip of alcohol could kill her.
She was admitted to Glasgow’s Royal Infirmary, where she remained for six months receiving help and counselling. It was there she realised she had to sort herself out for the sake of her daughter.
When she was discharged, she immediately threw out all the alcohol in her home. Then she went to Italy to see Sara at her ex husband Antonio's home in Italy for the first time in five years.
She said: 'I have total respect for Antonio, he has never spoken badly of me to her, he has raised her to love her mum.
'And we are building bridges all the time.'
Viewers of This Morning praised Gillian's efforts to give her daughter a safe and normal childhood
Mummy why are you shaking? Gillian chose alcohol over daughter
To see the full interview visit the This Morning website.