The pressures of modern relationships means more and more couples are in committed relationships but don't share a home, new research has revealed today.
One in ten adults in Britain are in a relationship but not living with their partner – a phenomenon known as 'Living Apart Together' (LAT) - and most of those are incorrectly counted as single in official statistics.
The study, by Birkbeck, University of London, the University of Bradford and NatCen Social Research, encompassed the nine per cent of British adults who, although they are in a steady relationship, do not live with their partner.
Shared solitude: Although younger couples are more likely to be LATs, there are a surprising number of older couples who live apart
There is a common assumption that people who choose not to live with their partner are either wealthy celebrity couples – such as Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton – or are professional couples forced to live apart because of their jobs, say the authors.
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In fact, LATs come from all sections of British society and from all parts of the country, and only eight per cent live apart primarily because of where their jobs are, according to the study.
Director Tim Burton and actress Helena Bonham Carter famously live apart
Professor Sasha Roseneil, from Birkbeck’s Department of Psychosocial Studies, said: 'Nowadays very few people settle into a life-long relationship in their early twenties and stay with their partner “until death us do part”.
'People have complex relationship histories, and they often carry with them the emotional legacies of divorce and separation.
'For some people, more or less consciously, living apart together is a way of dealing with the messiness of intimate life today, protecting themselves, their children and their homes from some of the distress that they have previously experienced when a cohabiting relationship breaks down.
'That said, most people in LAT relationships have a strong sense that they are a couple, and many are in long-term relationships to which they are deeply committed.'
Although the majority of LATs are under 35, 11 per cent are 55 or over. Around two-thirds of LATs live within 10 miles of each other and the vast majority (86 per cent) are in daily contact.
The researchers found that around a third of LATs live apart because they feel they are not yet ready to live together, although many hope to do so in the future.
A further third choose to live apart – however, few of these see this as a lifestyle choice, rather living apart is seen as emotionally safer, or a better way to manage other commitments, such as those to children, family and friends, or work.
One woman surveyed called Carrie said: 'I don’t want to rush into it because my son suffers from ADHD, and he doesn’t deal with change very well. I just want to take it, each day at a time.
'I’m not saying it [cohabitation] will never happen.
'I do hope it does happen.'
While being in the early stages of a relationship is a major reason for living apart, nearly as many couples simply prefer the arrangement
The remaining third are not able to live together due to circumstances outside the relationship itself – including financial reasons or working or studying in different places.
Another participant called Emma said: 'We’re like a little team and when we’ve got decisions to make we’ll make them together.
'And if I’m having a good day I think, “oh I’ll ring him and tell him”, if I’m having a bad day then I’ll ring him and sob down the phone.'
Only a tiny minority of couples - just one per cent – say the main reason they live apart is to maintain benefit entitlements.
Choice: While work, children from previous relationships and other factors may force a couple not to live together, some just like the freedom it offers them
One respondee, called Andrew, was brutally honest, saying: 'As a bloke... it's quite a good situation, because I can do what I want... And have the best of both worlds.'
Although the study shows that couples who live apart are a sizeable minority, they are currently ignored by the Census and most other social surveys on which the design of public services are based.
Professor Roseneil added: 'We would like to see LAT couples have the right to "opt in" to legal recognition – for protection in case of separation or bereavement – and to be taken into account by those providing personal, health and social care services, such as relationship counselling and family support.'