Susan A. Patton, the Princeton mom who wrote an editorial for the Ivy League school's newspaper urging co-eds to spend their college years in search of a husband, is fanning the flames of controversy again by describing single women in their thirties as 'man repellant.'
'A woman looking for a husband in her 30s gives off total desperation,' Patton said at a talk on Thursday for the American Whig-Cliosophic Society, a debate society at Princeton.
'You’ll never have a better concentration of outstanding men to choose from,' she added in her talk to an estimated 200 students. 'After college, your pool of men will shrink dramatically.'
Controversy: Susan A. Patton, the Princeton mom urging Ivy League co-eds to find a husband, has warned students that single women in their thirties are 'man repellant' (pictured during an earlier CNN appearance)
Patton, who was among the 200 'pioneer' women enrolled in the Ivy League school in 1973, became the target of a media firestorm when she penned a letter to the editor of the Daily Princetonian in late March, encouraging young women attending her alma mater to be quick about snagging a Princeton man - a man like her own son.
She addressed the controversy during her student talk this week, according to The Times of Trenton.
'I am absolutely delighted with the response,' she said. 'Educated women should not feel ashamed or uncool or unpopular by saying, yes, I want to be married and have children someday.'
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In the open letter dolling out free relationship advice, the proud Princeton alumna whose younger son, Daniel, is currently attending the New Jersey institution, bluntly stated that one of the main goals for female students attending her school should be finding a husband that will be up to their high standards.
'For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you,' Patton writes.
Advice: Patton penned a letter to the editor of the Daily Princetonian in late March, encouraging young women attending her alma mater to be quick about snagging a Princeton man
'Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.'
The mother of two who runs a human resources consultation business on the Upper East Side in New York City, went on to say that her older son, who also went to Princeton, 'had the good judgement and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone.'
Of her younger son, who is currently a junior at Princeton, Patton wrote that the 'universe of women he can marry is limitless.'
According to Patton, unlike men, who often opt to cast their lot with dumb women so long as they are attractive, intelligent women cannot afford to settle for a husband who is not their intellectual equal.
'As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are,' the Tiger Mother asserts.
Scroll down to read the full letter
Elite institution: Patton, who was the president of Princeton's 1977 class, urged freshman girls to take advantage of the high concentration of intelligent men around them and snag a husband early on
And according to Mrs Patton, not only do Princeton girls have to pair off with Princeton men to have a successful, fulfilling marriage, but they also must waste no time and snag them before their 19th birthday.
'As freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of incoming freshman men.
'So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have four classes of women to choose from. Maybe you should have been a little nicer to these guys when you were freshmen?'
The unprompted advice to the 'daughters' Patton never had sparked a firestorm online, with feminist bloggers attacking her seemingly backwards, archaic stance on marriage as a focal point in a woman's life.
Some critics also took issue with the fact that in Patton's world view, there is apparently no room for same-sex relationships as she keeps hammering home the point that women must be paired off with men, specifically, Princeton men.
In a reaction piece that appeared on the influential feminist blog Jezebel, writer Katie J.M. Baker put it in more blatant terms.
'Patton could've saved herself a lot of time and energy by simply writing 'F*** my youngest son while you have the chance!"'
The letter sparked a flurry of articles brimming with sarcasm and indignation.
'It's worth noting that this embarrassing window into how Ivy Leaguers talk to each other should be as cringe-inducing to modern audiences as Patton's take on gender relations is,' wrote Maureen O'Conner for New York magazine’s The Cut.
Marriage material: Patton revealed that unlike her, who had married a man from a college with no name recognition, her older son, a Princetonean, had the good judgement to marry a classmate
'Some of the dumbest and most intellectually incurious people I've known were in my class at Princeton. And some of the smartest I've known went to state schools, or community colleges, or didn't go to college.'
As it turns out, the president of Princeton's 1977 class had failed to follow her own advice – and paid the price for it.
In an interview with New York magazine, Patton said that she had recently finalized her divorce after 27 years of marriage to a man who did not attend her beloved alma mater.
'He went to a school of almost no name recognition,' she said, 'a school that nobody has respect for, including him, really.'
Looking back, Patton said she regrets not practicing what she now preaches.
'Yes! Yes. Yes, I wish I married someone who went to Princeton,' she said. 'That way I could have embraced Princeton for the thirty years that I stayed away from it because my ex-husband had no respect for the hoopla, the traditions, the allegiance, the orange and black...'
Patton also marveled at the extreme backlash set off by her letter.
'Honestly, I just thought this was some good advice from a Jewish mother,' she said.
The proud alumna also rushed to set the record straight, saying that although the tone of her missive may suggest otherwise, she is not anti-feminist, and she understand that not all women want to get married or are interested in men.
'I'm just saying, if as a young [Princeton] woman, you are thinking that you would like to have not just professional success but personal success as part of your life happiness, keep an open mind to the men that you're surrounded with now,' Patton said.
SUSAN PATTON'S LETTER TO THE DAILY PRINCETONIAN
Letter to the Editor: March 29, 2013
By Susan A. Patton
Guest Contributor
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Published: Friday, March 29th, 2013
Advice for the young women of Princeton: the daughters I never had
Forget about having it all, or not having it all, leaning in or leaning out — here’s what you really need to know that nobody is telling you.
For years (decades, really) we have been bombarded with advice on professional advancement, breaking through that glass ceiling and achieving work-life balance. We can figure that out — we are Princeton women. If anyone can overcome professional obstacles, it will be our brilliant, resourceful, very well-educated selves.
A few weeks ago, I attended the Women and Leadership conference on campus that featured a conversation between President Shirley Tilghman and Wilson School professor Anne-Marie Slaughter, and I participated in the breakout session afterward that allowed current undergraduate women to speak informally with older and presumably wiser alumnae. I attended the event with my best friend since our freshman year in 1973. You girls glazed over at preliminary comments about our professional accomplishments and the importance of networking. Then the conversation shifted in tone and interest level when one of you asked how have Kendall and I sustained a friendship for 40 years. You asked if we were ever jealous of each other. You asked about the value of our friendship, about our husbands and children. Clearly, you don’t want any more career advice. At your core, you know that there are other things that you need that nobody is addressing. A lifelong friend is one of them. Finding the right man to marry is another.
When I was an undergraduate in the mid-seventies, the 200 pioneer women in my class would talk about navigating the virile plains of Princeton as a precursor to professional success. Never being one to shy away from expressing an unpopular opinion, I said that I wanted to get married and have children. It was seen as heresy.
For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you.
Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.
I am the mother of two sons who are both Princetonians. My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless. Men regularly marry women who are younger, less intelligent, less educated. It’s amazing how forgiving men can be about a woman’s lack of erudition, if she is exceptionally pretty. Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.
Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them. And, you could choose to marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you.
Here is another truth that you know, but nobody is talking about. As freshman women, you have four classes of men to choose from. Every year, you lose the men in the senior class, and you become older than the class of incoming freshman men. So, by the time you are a senior, you basically have only the men in your own class to choose from, and frankly, they now have four classes of women to choose from. Maybe you should have been a little nicer to these guys when you were freshmen?
If I had daughters, this is what I would be telling them.
Susan A. Patton ’77
President of the Class of 1977
New York, N.Y.