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Janet Street-Porter: From Gwyneth Paltrow to Tamara Ecclestone, when celebrities say they're normal, it proves they're not

Last weekend, the cold wind was still blowing, the sun feeble and intermittent. I was eating a comforting breakfast of black pudding and tomatoes on toast, putting off the day to start losing winter flab.
The clocks may be on summer time, but as long as I’m wearing sweaters to cut heating bills, stodge remains on the menu.
I almost choked on my toast, though, reading that Gwyneth Paltrow — whose new super-faddy cookbook is clumsily entitled It’s All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good And Feel Great — thinks she’s ‘normal’. 
Not one Gwyneth's favourite superfoods gets shelf space chez JSP. Quinoa tastes like cardboard, no matter what Gwyneth may claim
Not one Gwyneth's favourite superfoods gets shelf space chez JSP. Quinoa tastes like cardboard, no matter what Gwyneth may claim
Gwynnie says: ‘One of my most negative qualities is . . . perfectionism . . . it comes from self-doubt and insecurity . . . I’m just a normal mother with the same struggles as any other . . . trying to do everything at once, trying to be a wife and maintain a relationship.’ Ha ha ha.
This self-appointed queen of catering for the beautiful people is anything but normal — she’s decided to shun coffee, alcohol, eggs, shellfish, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, aubergines, corn, wheat, meat or anything processed. 
Her kitchen ‘essentials’ include kimchi (fermented Korean cabbage, not something you’ll find in Lidl), coconut water, Vegenaise (an egg-free mayo) quinoa and goji berries.
Not one of these alleged superfoods gets shelf space chez JSP. Quinoa tastes like cardboard, no matter what Gwyneth may claim.
Mrs ‘Normal’ recently posted suggestions for a new spring wardrobe costing £300,000 on her website Goop, telling fans they were suitable for ‘all aspects of your busy life’.
How am I managing without a £500 iPad case designed by Valentino? (It’s  a struggle.)
The bizarre line-up on Britain's Got Talent is hardly normal - David Walliams is a dear friend and would balk at being described in this way, it's Amanda Holden who is the worst
The bizarre line-up on Britain's Got Talent is hardly normal - David Walliams is a dear friend and would balk at being described in this way, it's Amanda Holden who is the worst
For the rich and famous, demonstrating that you’re nothing special is the Holy Grail, the way to connect with fans and flog your latest book, movie or telly show. I grew up with working-class parents who were terrified of what the neighbours would think, and wanted to blend in at all costs.
Now, I couldn’t care less — most of us don’t even know our neighbours anyway. Last week, the BBC trumpeted their Great British Class Survey, devising seven different categories into which we all have to fit, from Established Middle Class, to Emergent Service Workers, to the deprived Precariat.
I immediately chose to be in the Elite 6 per cent (to hell with whether I actually qualify).
Who wants to be stuck in the dreary middle? These surveys are rubbish — most of us secretly think we’re interesting individuals in our own right, different and special in our own way, and we are.
Our vibrant culture is made up of countless tribes and we celebrate our differences.
That’s why Britain has spawned punks, rockabillies, goths, fantastic artists and world-class designers — people who didn’t fit in and who stood out from the norm. That’s why we have dozens of magazines and newspapers, brilliant bloggers and top comedians. 
The Queen of Fake Normality is Kate Winslet and Tamara Ecclestone is my favourite 'normal' celebrity with her £3b trust fund
The Queen of Fake Normality is Kate Winslet and Tamara Ecclestone is my favourite 'normal' celebrity with her £3b trust fund
The Queen of Fake Normality is Kate Winslet and Tamara Ecclestone is my favourite 'normal' celebrity with her £3b trust fund
So why do so many rich and famous people blather on about being normal when they’re precisely the opposite? Being different is what we like about them.
Politicians are just as guilty. David Cameron is always popping down to the pub to be snapped having a pint (not fooling me), and George Osborne has adopted a strange Estuary accent. Nick Clegg goes skiing and stays in his parent’s chalet worth millions, but claims he’s not from a privileged background.

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